Categories
Reviews Video Games

Portal 2 – Bigger, badder, bloated

It seems to me that Valve saw the pop culture success of the original Portal and played to that. Great for marketing, fantastic for sales, but great for making a sequel? I don’t think so.

The main attraction to the game seems to be the storyline, which makes up the majority of the game. There are interminably long parts of the game that are death by expositional voiceover. All about the founding and original work performed at Aperture Science. It even provides two-by-four sized hints about the origins of GLaDOS, and explains her motivation for constant testing.

All that left me asking but one question: why did I need that? The best stories are the ones that leave things unsaid. Fill in the blanks, and let your audience make things up. As Yahtzee puts it:

Portal 1 was as tight as a walnet corset; not an inch of it was wasted… Portal 2 is a sightseeing tour that begrudgingly has a puzzle game in it.

I may be in the minority, but I found that despite the increased length (I finished Portal 2 in twelve hours, compared to the 4-or-so flash in the pan that was the first game), the levels flew by. I was genuinely stumped only once, at that was only two or three puzzles from the end. Call me rhetorical, but what’s the point of a puzzle game that doesn’t puzzle you?

I have to say that I’m astounded by the Metacritic score for the game. 95 is far too high for something that begins with what critics and fans agree is a perfect game and makes it longer, less funny and less challenging to the point of being laughable. The best writers know the value of a good editor lies in their ability to find things to cut out. Valve obviously hasn’t figured that out yet.

Categories
Music

Of Power and Ballads

I was recently told by a colleague that he doesn’t like rock music, but he likes… the “slow songs”. After drawing exactly what he meant by “slow” out of him (and mocking him briefly because he spends all day streaming ABC Classic, which isn’t that bad, but it is a sign of his advanced age), I suggested that I look for ten great power ballads to add to his collection, accompanied by a song by the same artist that is a little less… “slow”.

Foreigner – I Want to Know What Love Is / Hot Blooded

Apparently I can’t get the official video for “I Want to Know What Love Is”, so I’m going to have to leave this one at that.

Scorpions – Wind of Change / No One Like You

There were alternatives to “Wind of Change” but they were even more turgid. “No One Like You” on the other hand

Warrant – Heaven / Cherry Pie

Ah Warrant… If ever I need to lower the tone of a party, I put on “Cherry Pie”.

Europe – Carrie / Final Countdown

Poison – Every Rose Has its Thorn / Nothin’ But a Good Time

I have fond memories of “Nothin’ But a Good Time”, and now that I work for a living, it seems more apt every day 😉